Storyteller's Universe // Two Percent
Performance Review



The samoyed enters a classroom full of students waiting for their lecturer to arrive.

“Raise your hand if you’re here for Field Survival 101.”

There is not a single person without an appendage in the air.

“It’s been moved to tomorrow - same time. I need everyone to leave.”

A mix of various emotions washes over everyone, but eventually the audience leaves. Samoyed takes a seat behind the teacher’s desk and starts filling out paperwork. After 15 minutes, seven people walk into the classroom and take seats in the first and second rows.

“Seven. Perfect, everybody’s here. We can begin.”

Samoyed stands up.

“Welcome to the Field Insights class. I am Agent Rudy, and we will together read through your after-action reports, analyze your mistakes, discuss areas in which you can improve and hopefully draw some conclusions which you will take to heart and eliminate your chances of dying on a mission. I take it you have all received the required materials and made yourselves acquainted with them.”

Rudy takes a look at their students: Three humans, a bat, a possum, a jackal and a lemming - the last of which shifted uncomfortably in their seat at the mention of required materials.

“In fact, I would like to begin with exactly that - reports themselves. One of you has not written their report, and unfortunately for you, I am a good friend of Agent Sybil--”

The lemming looks like they’d love to disappear right now.

“--I had to read her report instead, which undoubtedly put you in a much less favorable light than if you chose to write one yourself. Mr. Damon, did you read the materials?”

“...No.”

“Do you have a pen?

He nodded.

“Start tracking it and give it to me. And close your eyes.”

Rudy took the pen and started to slowly walk around the classroom while expertly spinning it in their fingers.

“I know that reading and writing are the boring parts of taking a contract, however information is key, and if you were to remember nothing but a single thing from this class, I’d want it to be the importance of intel. If you take a contract or get an assignment and rush into it completely blind, you’re--”

“WHAT THE FUCK??”

The lemming turns around shocked, stares puzzled at the samoyed currently spinning the pen in the back of the class.

“Did you expect me to hide it and then ask you where I hid the pen? No, I want you to tell me why you can’t track it anymore.”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?”

“By reading my file, which I included in the reading materials on purpose. If you were on a mission and your life depended on tracking this thing, you’d be already dead.”

They handed the pen back to the lemming.

“As I was saying, if you rush in blind, you’re unaware of what your target is capable of, what to expect on the location, if there are any stipulations to achieving your objective, what strategy to employ, what equipment to bring, et cetera, et cetera. Like climbing Mount Everest while blindfolded and with nothing but swimming trunks.”

The samoyed once again sat behind the desk.

“Mr. Damon see me in my office at 8pm today.”